By Mary C. Uhler
CATHOLIC HERALD STAFF

Get some Kleenex ready! That's my advice to those reading Patricia Dischler's book, Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption. Dischler's book definitely tugs at the heartstrings, but it is tears of joy that the reader will mostly experience in reading her poignant story.

The author now lives in Prairie du Sac with her husband, Steve, and their two daughters, Rachel and Amanda. She has operated a nationally accredited family child care business called Patty Cake Preschool for over 16 years.

Open adoption process

Her book, however, tells the story of why she chose an open adoption arrangement for her son Joe in 1985. He is now an adult and is involved with both his adoptive parents' and birth mother's lives.

Dischler started writing her story as part of a Human Issues study at Edgewood College in Madison. She gives thanks to David Young, whose "praise gave me the confidence to take it further.

Kathleen Silber, a social worker and co-author of Dear Birthmother and Children of Open Adoption, also offered her support to Dischler in the early stages of her book.

Silber writes in the foreward to Dischler's book, "The veil of secrecy has been lifted from adoption. The result is an adoption experience that is healthier and more positive for all parties.

"In place of adoption, which was surrounded by secrecy and shame, there is openness, honesty, and communication. Today the vast majority of domestic infant adoptions are open ones."

Positive story

Silber says Because I Loved You "provides an opportunity for a birthmother's positive story of adoption to be shared and for birthparents and others to gain understanding and hope from this experience."

Because I Loved You certainly lives up to the foreward. What I liked about the book is how the chapters are organized on two levels: the first part gives information and facts about the adoption process; the second part of each chapter tells Patricia Dischler's personal story. Both parts are equally worthwhile. There is plenty of information on adoption for birthmothers, adoptive parents, and adoptees. I would say this is also excellent reading for any prospective parents of any kind.

But what grabbed me was Patricia Dischler's story. She became pregnant at 20 years of age after just one experience of sexual intercourse. Fortunately she grew up in a loving Catholic family. While her parents were shocked and disappointed by her pregnancy at first, they supported her throughout her experience.

Dischler also had a very positive experience with a Catholic Charities counselor, who helped her explore options, including adoption. Dischler selected the adoptive parents for her son, Joe. She kept in touch with them annually, getting pictures of her son. Meeting her son

When he was 12, Joe said he wanted to meet his "other mother." It was a joyful reunion. When Dischler asked why he wanted to meet her now, he said, "I just wanted to get to know you better." He added, "I told my dad that I could tell by your letters you loved me." "I most certainly do, Joseph, with all my heart," said his mother.

Since that time, Joe has met his grandparents and other family members. Dischler attended his high school graduation and continues to keep in touch with her son and his adoptive parents.

Happy ending

For them, it has been a happy ending. Dischler believes open adoption has helped make the process much better. "Adoptees are assured of their birthmother's love their entire lives, and the model of respect and understanding that the adoptive parents provide the child through their open arrangement with the birthmother lays a foundation of peace for the child regarding her status as an adoptee," she said. "My son has this sense of peace. I credit his adoptive parents for this." For more information on the author and Because I loved You, visit www.PatriciaDischler.com, which includes information on ordering her book.