Teaching Creativity in Child Care & Respect in Adoption for the Sake of a Child
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Welcome to the KidSake Adoption Newsletter! Sign up to receive the newsletter by email: Past Issues KidSake Newsletter In this issue: 1. Open Adoption: Strangers Who Trust In Each Other For The Sake Of A Child Open Adoption: Strangers Who Trust In Each Other For The Sake Of A Child You know that game that counselors like to make you play, where you stand with your back to someone, close your eyes, and fall backwards – trusting the person will catch you and not let you fall? This is what open adoption can feel like in the beginning, except you have no reason to trust in the person who is suppose to catch you because it's a stranger. They haven't done anything to gain your trust – and likewise, you've done nothing to earn their trust in you. Blindly, a birthmother trusts in the strangers to love her child as their own, to let her know he's happy and to never deny her existence. Likewise, adoptive parents trust in a stranger to give up her child, to make them a family, and to never tear them apart. Download (pdf)
KidSake Newsletter In this issue: 1. To Push or Not to Push? To Push or Not to Push? One of the most difficult balancing acts of the counseling profession is knowing just how far to push a client. Whether it be to push them towards a decision, an action, a realization, an acceptance. When a goal is ahead that you are hoping to help them reach how do you know how far to push and how far to let them travel on their own? When counseling women, and young girls, regarding their choice in an unplanned pregnancy, you hit many walls that are difficult to break through. Sometimes, help is needed to break through these walls and end up in a better place, but what separates "help" from "pushing?" Download (pdf)
KidSake Newsletter In this issue: 1. More to Love More to Love I am often asked if there was any tension between my son's adoptive mother and I in regards to who holds the title of "Mom." I always grin a little because I get a visual of the two of us, each holding the edge of a golden crown with "Mom" engraved on it, having a tug of war with it. Such a silly thought! I've never been a person that defined people by titles, and that applies to myself. I believe actions and relationships are more powerful than a single word stamped on a person's forehead. So, when I'm asked "What does your son call you?" and I know this loaded questions is referring to that tug of war on a title, my answer is: "I don't care if he calls me Snicklefritz, as long as he picks up the phone and calls me!" Download (pdf) KidSake Newsletter In this issue: 1. He's My Brother I had a request from a reader to do an article on the relationship between an adoptee and other birth-siblings. I did an article on this a couple years ago, so I'm reprinting here for her and all of you who missed it. But I'd like to add a bit. I recently asked my nine year old daughter how she felt about Joe being her brother. Here's what she said: He's nice, he has a pretty fiancé. I don't understand why you placed him for adoption, he's a great kid, why would you want to do that? I wish he lived with us. I wish we could visit him more." Download (pdf)
KidSake Newsletter In this issue: 1. Everyone Has A Story Everyone Has A Story I recently read a draft of an adoption book a friend of mine is writing, it is a wonderful story from an adoptee's point of view on how she went searching for her birth family. What she found reminded me of the fact that everyone has a story. So often, we see the world through our own point of view and tell ourselves that these are the truths. But we must remember that what we see and what we know is only a part of the truth, it is our truth, but not necessarily that of others. In her story, her birthmother spent decades believing something was true about the birthfather. For his part, he spent decades thinking something was true about the birthmother. Yet, as my friend discovers, each was missing important information that would have completely changed what they thought to be true. (More this fall on her book when it is released!) Download (pdf)
KidSake Newsletter In this issue: 1. Letting Go of the "How" Letting Go of the "How" The day after I graduated from high school I started looking for an apartment. I had $400 in my savings account and thought I was a rich woman. I couldn't wait to be out on my own! My friends and I searched, and by the end of the week I found an upstairs apartment in an old house that had been converted into four apartments, typical for Dubuque. I fell in love with the high ceilings, the little kitchen with a deck, and the four rooms lined up one after the other with a long hallway to connect them. I wrote my first check to the manager and went home to pack. Download (pdf) |